She’s still on my mind
I got whiskey on my breath, I’m wasted
Killing myself just to kill some time
And I’m so sick of it all
I been staring at the ceiling getting to feeling
Like smashing my radio up against the wall


You ever sit around and dwell on the past. You know you sit there and get reminded of something dumb that you did. Some stupid that you said. Even things that happened when you were young and in grade school. I can be driving down the road and think of something that happened in High School and get so pissed off at myself. I start to remember what I did and feel like curling up in a ball and hiding. I think of the people that have gone through life only knowing me by that one event, by that thing that I said. I have so many memories of being the nerd in school and trying to fit in with any group that I could.

In the movie the Breakfast Club, the stereotypes of High School were the Jock, the Brain, the Criminal, the Princess and the Kook. One of the benefits of my trying to fit in anywhere at school was that I got to fit in with all of these groups.

I wrestled and played football. I was on the Academic Team. I could fit in with the criminals so well that I spent several days in detention. I found that if I slumped far enough down in my seat while taking tests in American History that the Homecoming Queen could look at my paper and would smile at me after class. And kooks: I never outgrew that one.

It has helped me in life. I can speak the secret language of all these groups and fit in well enough with them to get by at a party. It has also allowed me to do stupid things in front of all these groups too. I have no safe place to run. I can’t go be with the jocks because i have done stupid, clumsy nonathletic things around them. I get grief from the brains when i ask simple questions about computers. The criminals are now just suspicious of me when i turn down their smoke, pills or drinks. The homecoming queen? OK she married somebody with money and now she doesn’t need to pass any tests and she laughs not smiles. I can understand that one. You know mistaking those smiles for a reason to ask her out was so filly looking back. The kooks? Well they put up with me until one of my “normal” friends come along. I mean who knew kooks could be so bigoted towards normals.

So yea there are tons of things that I look back on and just wanna smash the radio, Sometimes it is a song that reminds me of a party, a dance or a conversation. Sometimes I feel so stupid just remembering how i acted 20 years ago. I sometimes feel so stupid for something i did five minutes ago too. So maybe it is just part of life.

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