I am trying to be more active with this blog. Trying to find something to write about everyday. I have so many thoughts that run through my mind that never make it to the page, So many parts of me that I never seem to feel safe revealing to myself let alone others. I think the best way to remedy this is to return to free writing. I am going to start just putting words on the page as they come to me. Yes there will be misspellings and grammatical errors, but proofreading leads me to erase things and to edit my original thoughts. The best way o combat this is for me to just start typing and let the feelings and words flow.

    Ingredients:

  • 1 cup whole milk

  • 1/3 heavy cream

  • 1/4 cup sugar

  • 5 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped

Preparation:

Simmer the milk, cream and sugar together until just boiling. Stir in the chocolate until melted. Don’t let it boil. Serve warm in demitasse cups.

Serves 4

I am drinking some of the above as I sit at the laptop typing this. It is a purely decadent recipe that needs to extra spices or additives. This is kinda the way I like life: a bit decadent but pure and unadulterated by additives or extra spice. I can do without all the drama that some people need to add to their lives to make them enjoyable.

I have known people who have always had the need to stir up some kind of excitement to make their lives seem to be more than it is. I must admit that I have never understood this. I have always been happy and a bit overwhelmed by the things that just happen in my life without me having to go and look for more.

I find the simple task of waking up in the mornings full of more than I can handle some mornings. I look forward to a morning phone call and have grown so accustomed to it that when it doesn’t come that I can easily find myself stressing out and wondering why I haven’t gotten my call. I quickly can imagine the worst of things. I can quickly allow my thoughts to devolve into wondering what I have dome to cause anger enough not to call me.

This really comes as a surprise to me. I have always prided myself in being self-sufficient. I am still self-sufficient for the most part, but for some reason I find that if I miss this one phone call that my whole day can spiral into a stressful mess. Even just a quick text telling me that I can’t get the call is enough to calm me.

I find myself enjoying more social things that I never enjoyed before. I enjoy going to live music with friends, I enjoy going to the park and acting like a kid. At 41, I am starting to become freer and more expressive with my emotions: whether positive or negative. I find myself saying “I love you” when I never expected to say that again. I find myself telling people when their actions have hurt me. That is something I never allowed myself to do before. I would never let anyone know that they had an effect on me one way or the other.

Call it growth? Call it getting in touch with myself?

I am not sure what you call it. I do know that it is messing with the pure decadent taste of life as I remember it.

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